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Disgraced fashion mogul Peter Nygard's own SON is helping police investigate his alleged sex crimes By Guy Adams Investigates For The Daily Mail
15 Jan 2021
Link to article
'He has become my arch-nemesis. I no longer regard him as my father . . . He is a monster. I am now here to serve in any way I can, to support survivors and the justice process and also to help expose the people who covered up his crimes.'
Kai Bickle's world came tumbling down one night in May 2019, when he attended a dinner party at a lavishly decorated mansion overlooking the golden sands of Venice Beach in Los Angeles.
The host was his father, Peter Nygard, a Canadian fashion tycoon famed for the hedonistic lifestyle he pursued at a global portfolio of high-end properties, including vast residences in Winnipeg, Toronto and Montreal, as well as New York, and, most notoriously, a Mayan-themed 'private luxury resort' in the Bahamas.
Modelling himself on Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, the flamboyant Nygard, now 79, kept a revolving harem of girlfriends. Those caught up (often completely unwittingly) in this web had included actresses Susan Anton and Jennifer O'Neill, stripper-turned-reality star Anna Nicole Smith, and a former Wheel Of Fortune card turner by the name of Vanna White.
His Caribbean parties, meanwhile, tended to attract a better class of A-lister. Past visitors to the island property had ranged from Jane Seymour and Bo Derek to Robert De Niro, , Michael Jackson and Joan Collins, not to mention and , who were photographed there in the early 2000s on an innocuous family holiday.
The 2019 bash, during one of Peter's occasional business trips to LA, was to be a more down-to-earth affair. Roughly 20 guests, including Kai, 38, and his younger brother Jessar (one of roughly ten offspring Nygard has fathered via more than seven women) had been invited for food and drinks, followed by a late-night poker game.
That was the plan, at least. But Kai never made it to the card- table. Instead, he fled the lavish premises in a state of distress, shortly after dinner, believing that he had just witnessed his father attempting to sexually assault an eight-year-old girl.
Details of this ugly development are (it should be stressed) strongly disputed, and we shall examine them later. But the incident would kick-start an extraordinary chain of events that culminated just before Christmas, with the arrest of Peter Nygard on nine charges of sex trafficking and racketeering.
Currently behind bars, with his $900 million (£660 million) business empire in tatters and the FBI poring over his computer hard-drives, the fallen tycoon has now been accused of rape or sexual assault by at least 57 women. Several of Nygard's accusers were children when the alleged crimes took place, and many claim they were drugged.
At least 57 women have accused him.
He will appear in court in Canada next week, seeking bail as he fights extradition to the USA.
It is, perhaps, the most high-profile and shocking sex case since handcuffs were slapped on Jeffrey Epstein. And in a remarkable twist, it turns out that a leading figure in the increasingly public campaign to prosecute Mr Nygard is his aforementioned son, Kai.
Upcoming documentary: ‘Unseamly’ Canadian Designer Peter Nygård True Crime Documentary
Behind the scenes, I can reveal that Kai has spent the past 18 months secretly helping both the U.S. and Canadian authorities investigate his own father's alleged crimes. Keeping his role hidden from Nygard and his associates for several months, he has worked tirelessly to assist victims, and their legal teams.
On the personal front, he has changed his name (taking up his mother's surname to become Kai Zen Bickle) and used his influence over various Nygard companies to block efforts to move his assets offshore, fearing that would allow him to flee. 'We have been engaged in a brutal battle against my father and his enablers,' is how Kai summed things up when we spoke this week.
'He has become my arch-nemesis. I no longer regard him as my father . . . He is a monster. I am now here to serve in any way I can, to support survivors and the justice process and also to help expose the people who covered up his crimes.'
Perhaps most remarkably of all, Kai recently helped two of his younger siblings, one of whom remains a minor, to sue Peter Nygard over claims he 'engineered' the rape of his own sons. In an extraordinary lawsuit filed in August, the boys claimed that their leathery, multi-millionaire father instructed one of his long-standing girlfriends (who was also a sex worker) to 'make a man' out of them.
The first of these alleged attacks (which, again, are vehemently denied by Nygard) took place in the Bahamas 2004, when the son was 15 and the woman was in her mid-20s. The second occurred in Winnipeg in 2018, when the younger child was 14 and the woman was in her 40s. Court papers filed by the boys stated that the unnamed girlfriend was instructed to seduce Nygard's son by showering in his bathroom so that he 'could see her naked'. Then she raped him.
Afterwards, she allegedly told the boy he 'wasn't bad' for a 'baby.' The next morning, Nygard's girlfriend brought him breakfast in bed, kissing him on the lips and announcing: 'Mommy's got you.' Kai says he first became aware of this appalling incident last spring, and was 'sickened' to hear his brothers' claims.
He would often yell and scream at his staff.
'We all spoke and decided the best course of action was to file a lawsuit publicly in the hope that other survivors would feel safe to come forward and also file criminally against Nygard,' he says. 'We were originally going to have me in the suit as my young brother's guardian, but in the end decided not to because it would reveal to Nygard that I was working against him . . . At the time I was [secretly] doing everything I could to improve the odds that he would get arrested.'
To appreciate the extraordinary journey taken by Kai, we must wind the clock back to the mid-1980s, when his father was one of Canada's most talked-about self-made millionaires.
The son of penniless immigrants from Finland, Peter Nygard had launched his empire in the late 1960s, with an $8,000 (£6,000) investment in a struggling fashion firm. By the time he was 30, the company had become one of North America's most successful suppliers of leisure and sportswear, while his flamboyant eccentricities, which included keeping parrots in his office and filling the lobby of Nygard HQ with bronze busts of himself, turned him into an object of public fascination.
In 1987, the party-loving entrepreneur purchased a 4.5-acre patch of the island of New Providence in the Bahamas and set about turning it into a 'dream home' where he could indulge his champagne lifestyle. Over the ensuing years, he built 150,000 sq ft of Mayan-themed buildings, stretching over a dozen 'cabana-style' residences. The buildings at Nygard Cay eventually included a casino, a disco hut (with cameras beneath the dance floor, reportedly to shoot images of revellers from below), and the world's largest sauna, a 6,000 sq ft lodge made from 2ft-thick Canadian pine logs.
In the grounds were fake volcanoes that belched dry ice, a flock of peacocks, stone cobras which hissed steam at sunset, 60 ft towers festooned with hundreds of flaming torches (lit nightly by staff) and giant statues of nude women, purportedly modelled on some of Nygard's favourite girlfriends.
At weekends, he would host lavish parties, which appeared on various TV documentaries, including Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous.
The place became a magnet for freeloading celebrities and, while Kai believes they generally had the most fleeting and brief relationship with Nygard, photos of their visits were then plastered across company literature and websites.
Prince Andrew, to cite one example, was recorded for posterity wandering with the long-haired fashion magnate on the beach, wearing blue shorts and boat shoes.
Born in the 1980s, Kai spent the first three years of his life in the Bahamas until his mother, Patricia, left Nygard, with whom she'd had three children but never married.
They moved first to California and then to the Pacific Northwest in the U.S. Over subsequent years, he had almost no regular contact with the fashion tycoon aside from occasional visits during school holidays, where he met various half-siblings.
'He would have one family weekend per year at his lake cottage, and a few days set aside for Christmas,' says Kai of the somewhat unorthodox arrangement. 'During those times, the days were filled with activities like horseback riding or mini golf.
'He could be a very charismatic person when he wanted to be and the family weekends were very light and brief.'
In the very limited time he spent with his father during childhood, Kai saw nothing that gave him reason to suspect that Peter Nygard was guilty of criminality, though he did have a highly volatile personality.
'He would yell and scream at his staff often, and that always was upsetting to everyone around it, but he would describe his yelling as 'passion' because of his 'high standards',' Kai says.
Nygard's children were further told that he 'lived a consensual, non-monogamous lifestyle,' Kai says. 'He made speeches at dinner to family when we were together to talk about how he hoped everyone got a wonderful partner and wished that he could find that special someone, but that it wasn't the life for him.
'He also had girlfriends that were persistently with him, always two or three, and often they were around for years. He wasn't embarrassed about it. He flaunted it on TV, it was part of his brand, something he showed the whole world. He was proud of it.'
Be that as it may, rumours of predatory behaviour by Nygard —and worse — had occasionally reared their ugly head, only to be quickly suppressed: a relatively easy task before the internet.
In 1980, for example, he was charged with the rape of an 18-year-old, but the charge was dropped when the complainant refused to testify. In 1996, three female employees meanwhile filed sexual harassment complaints in the Canadian province of Manitoba.
It looked like his hand was on her thigh, rubbing.
One, a 39-year-old communications manager, said that, when called into Nygard's office, she would 'find him in a state of undress . . . with his hands down the front of his pants, fondling himself.' He settled by giving the women $18,500 (£13,600) and denied any wrongdoing.
Then, in 2010, a Canadian TV network put out a Panorama-style documentary about Nygard, focusing on alleged sex abuse and harassment of former employees.
It quoted a former stewardess on his private plane who alleged that on one journey — during which Nygard was accompanied by a troupe of topless women — he lost his temper with staff, shouting: 'You are nothing! You are garbage! I am God!'
The programme also alleged that Nygard had engaged in 'inappropriate sexual contact' with a young woman who had been brought to his home in 2003 from the Dominican Republic. Nygard denied that either incident had happened, and sued to stop the documentary being broadcast.
Fast forward to May 2019, however, and those ugly incidents were largely forgotten. Kai, who was by then in his late 30s, had worked for his father's companies for just over two years after leaving college, but quit to pursue a career in activism and health science.
Nygard's trip to Los Angeles afforded them a rare opportunity to catch up, so he attended the aforementioned dinner party in Venice Beach.
As the night wore on, he recalls becoming uncomfortable about his father's behaviour towards an eight-year-old girl, who was attending with her mother, one of Nygard's old girlfriends.
'He's got her sitting right next to him at dinner, which is usually his girlfriend chair. And he's a creature of routine. So I'm already thinking this is weird.
'He's trying to act like the Papa. It was just weird . . . I'm noticing things. I'm noticing that he's telling her little secrets at dinner. Putting his hand close to her ear and going all hush-hush.' At the end of dinner, most of the other 20-odd guests got up to adjourn to the card table. However, Kai adds: 'I'm still watching him. Her chair gets pushed back. He brings her round to him.
'She was on his right side. He brings her to his left side, with his arm around her waist, and I see his elbow change and start moving as if — it looked to me, I couldn't see, but it looked like his hand was on her upper thigh, and rubbing. That's what it looked like to me . . . Everything in my body told me he was doing something terrible.'
'I had a huge adrenaline rush and I immediately told the mother to get her daughter away from him,' he adds. 'I stood up next to him and looked in his eyes. At that moment, for me, it was like all the walls were crashing down around him . . . And I realised that, yeah, he's probably trying to groom that girl.'
Nygard vigorously denied wrongdoing, and even called Kai 'sick' for thinking as much. But Kai was unconvinced.
Then, in February last year, ten women filed a bombshell lawsuit in New York claiming that the fashion magnate had used wealth and status to 'entice underage girls' from 'young, impressionable and often impoverished backgrounds' into his home, where they would be 'plied with alcohol' and (some allege) date-rape drugs, before being taken to Nygard's private quarters, where he would 'assault, rape and sodomise' them. Court papers claimed they were then coerced into joining a globe-trotting harem of sex workers paid thousands of dollars from Nygard's company funds and trafficked around the world on his company's private jet, which reportedly boasts a stripper pole.
One alleged victim, who was just 14 at the time, claimed Nygard raped her and paid her $5,000 (£3,700).
Another said her encounter with Nygard began with him showing her pornography after which he raped her, 'causing her extraordinary trauma and pain', the suit states.
Three of his existing ten accusers were 14 at the time. Three more were 15.
Within days, dozens more alleged victims had come forward. By the summer, some 57 survivors were pursuing legal action — and the number of alleged victims had reached 100.
Kai again confronted his father, only to be told it was all 'lies' and asked to speak out publicly in his father's support. But days later a friend texted Kai to complain about a recent visit to Nygard's house in Los Angeles.
'He said he'd brought a female friend with him, who had one or two drinks and had started to feel very high. Nygard took her up to his room and aggressively had sex with her, not using a condom.
'When I heard that, I knew he was not only as bad as people said he was, but was a dangerous criminal and had to be stopped.' He duly alerted the authorities about the friend's message. In a podcast called Live To Walk Again, released this week, he revealed that he began helping both the police and the alleged victims' lawyers, who he regards as 'heroes'.
Over the summer, Kai also used official positions held in Nygard firms to block two apparent efforts to move assets overseas, amid concerns that the tycoon might flee to evade justice.
PODCAST EPISODE: Peter Nygard Discusses His Father
'Through the course of ten months I also helped several survivors to file criminally against him, and spent countless hours on the phone with survivors, lawyers and authorities,' he says. Last month Nygard was arrested on U.S. charges at a home in the Royalwood area of Winnipeg. He spent Christmas behind bars and has consistently denied any wrongdoing, saying he 'expects to be vindicated' in court.
Kai has renounced his inheritance and is working on 'making the world a better place' by campaigning to close legal loopholes exploited by sex offenders.
'I'm very happy earning my own money, as I have all my life. We've never had a trust fund or an allowance, and since his money has been made through pain and suffering, I won't accept a potential inheritance,' he says.
His father's cash, he says, should instead go towards compensating victims. 'My focus now is to help the healing process.'

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Album of the Year 2019 #26: Men I Trust - Oncle Jazz

Hello everyone and welcome back to Album of the Year 2019, the yearly series where the users of indieheads talk their favorite albums of the year. Up today, simonthedlgger goes in-depth on the massive Oncle Jazz from Men I Trust.
Artist: Men I Trust
Album: Oncle Jazz

https://preview.redd.it/8af3n1rzi0741.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e1d4a18f7bb2aa4c7332be7e2042a41af87aa34
Listen:
Bandcamp
Spotify
Youtube
Apple Music
Interlude
I can’t believe the odds. It’s December 26th, my favorite holiday not named Halloween. A day of leftovers and familial decompression. Outside, the year is ending. Pine trees, some still webbed with lights, lay on sidewalks.
Historically, December 26th is grey and cloudless. Cold, but not necessarily wintry. A void of a day, ideal for lounging and reflection.
“Have a lay in,” says the universe.
On December 26, it is constantly evening.
And now, there is a playful bounce of synth, murmuring bass like a bear waking from a long nap ... a swell of brightness:
“You’re listening to Oncle Jazz .”
Allow yourself, listener, for seventy ephemeral, December 26th minutes, to be swept away in jazzy philosopop fantasy. All smiles, slide across the kitchen floor in your brand new socks, treat yo self to a warm beverage and snacks, nest in bed as opening titles fade like a path into the deep forest.
I can only suggest you take that path. We’re about to Oncle Jazz.
Background
Men I Trust are a three piece indie pop band from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. The band was established by producemulti-instrumentalist Dragos Chiriac and bassist Jessy Caron in 2014. The pair released their self-titled debut that year, followed by Headroom in 2015, both of which featured numerous guest vocalists. After guitarist Emma Proulx became the permanent singer of Men I Trust, the band put out a series of successful singles from 2016 through early this year. After a few delays, Men I Trust released their third full length album and first as a trio on September 13, 2019.
Review by simonthedlgger

Men I Trust Radio

It’s easy to view Men I Trust as more “chill but danceable” Spotify recommendation-core. The formula is simple enough: breathy vocals over sustained synth, walking bass with jazz and/or R&B flavour, restrained rhythm section. Elevator music, if the elevator were taking you up to a Blockbusters/indie bookstore combo in the heart of Bushwick.
Except, this is not our stop. Ours is an elevator ascending the Ivory Tower, granting us view of all Fantasia. Our elevator alights the lobby of the Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, where Men I Trust and The Martini Police tradeoff headlining gigs.
On closer inspection, Men I Trust’s music is neither simple nor restrained (though, production is artfully subdued throughout). It’s not even very relaxing, only enough to lull you into a vantage from which you feel comfortable enough to see yourself—perhaps for the first time—as something small within something very large, and to realize that largeness is contained within an even larger space, and so on until the mystery swallows you.
(That is not to say Men I Trust do not have their utterly charming moments, i.e. the deliriously joyous sing-along opening of “Days go by and I still don't know how and why I still make my way without you, without you.”)
On Oncle Jazz, Men I Trust plays timewarped pocket groove music, pulling together elements of modern pop, softrock, plenty of jazz (on show in their latest instrumental single, “Alright,”), and of course assorted lofi/synth/indie/sweet dreams pop, to make something distinctive, comforting but unnameable.
Several interludes further expand the scope of the Oncle Jazz structure, from the absurd funk of “Slap Pie” to the smoking “Fiero GT," lest we forget the balletic mystery of closer “Poplar Tree," which would sound fitting over melancholy credits to a Miyazaki film.
There’s a votive quality to the loop-like nature of the band’s arrangements, cycling frames that range in form from waves of Sega ambience to controlled yet driving beats which draw equally on the electronic and organic. So much happens within the confinements of these loops, yet every moment remains isolated, carefully placed. The songs sound like secrets, but not puzzles for the sake of puzzles: there is an answer to every riddle, a worthwhile conclusion.
“We like to use a lot of repetitive movements in melodies and chord progressions to give the songs a prayer-like rhythm,” Dragos told Crack Magazine, describing the band’s desire to draw listeners deeper into their sonic narratives. The recurring musical movements are complemented by an economy of words the band often discusses:

“I will ... find the way in which I can concentrate [a thought’s] meaning, saying the most with the least words. It’s Bernstein’s idea of poetry and it’s also a necessary constraint inherent to the song genre,” Dragos told me. “Sometimes, these ideas end in Men I Trust songs.”

The band takes this minimalist approach to either ends of the spectrum, always leaving room for the listener to process and derive meaning. Compare the simplicity of “All Night” (“You wrap my feet in coloured blankets, so I stay here all night. You keep the one with many moons and stars, it’s always for my shoulders,”) to the stark poetry of “I Hope to be Around” (“I dream of my future, remote from time bounds, becoming myself without any end.”)

Oncle Jazz

The clarity with which Men I Trust operates is evidenced not only in the deliberate arrangements and concise lyricism of Oncle Jazz, but the actual conception of the record. Initially delaying the album after touring prevented the trio from finishing, then calling an audible the night before Oncle Jazz was scheduled for upload to major streaming services, there is never a sense of hurry when discussing Men I Trust. Rather, tranquil precision.
Achieving the ideal mix played a large part in the album’s prolonged incubation, with eight singles being remixed for their place among the 24 track album (several considerably so). The songs settle softly in the mix, warm pop rhythms bouncing off watery jazz. “I don’t think loud songs will give the best listening experience in years to come,” Chiriac told Billboard. I agree: Oncle Jazz invites you to absolutely bump the volume, clarifying the perfectly shaped bass tones and depth of reverb, the myriad details, without going deaf (fun fact, I did a write up on Angel Olsen’s All Mirrors for popheads, and the mixes on these two albums could not be further apart).
On “Seven,” you can hear prospective lovers whispering across a dying campfire. The rustic “Pines” paints an immense but lonely landscape (“She moves like wind by deserted pines who stand tall, unstirred,”).
After completing touring obligations, the band returned to Oncle Jazz. “When we spend too much time on the road, we miss being able to settle, to write and record without disturbance,” Dragos says over email. “Listening to a finished song, or album, is the most fun part of recording.”
Recording for Oncle Jazz took place in the green quiet of rural Quebec, which no doubt influenced the hushed mix (they’ve described the album as consisting of all “winter songs,” which isn’t a bad description by any means, but the undeniable warmth of Oncle Jazz makes one wonder what a summery MIT album sounds like). “It put us in a really different creative mood ... there’s nothing to do outside of the house except for walking and thinking about music,” Proulx said (Billboard). Indeed, the band have frequently described how their music focuses on the ways individuals play a small role within the macroscopic natural world; this sense of humble realization is all over the record. When further pressed, the band typically says songs are simply about friends. The interplay of the cosmic and intimate is one of several unifying threads that elevate Oncle Jazz from a standard LP release to a greater musical movement.
For, Oncle Jazz is its own radio station; at one point on the album, Emma clues the listener in: “You’re listening to Radio Men I Trust,” and I can’t help but responding, “Yes, I sure am,” every time. It’s a station wound in the layered textures of the Arturia Mellotron and Yamaha DX7; though, as with any decent station, there are a bevy of unexpected gifts.

My friend, you know, you had your time awhile..but I'm willing to give you mine.

Late in the Oncle Jazz sequencing comes “Something In Water” like a plaintive siren out of the mists, “In this land with no sea, hoping time forgot me, 'cause I don’t need your love, only your full weight on me.” Guitars take the forefront, a rarity on Oncle Jazz, especially the submerged acoustics and posthardcore/proggy chorus lead that surprises at 2:22.
“Dorian” consists of brilliant world building by the Zora River, recalling dreams of C.R.E.A.M. and nights spent shooting the shit with friends outside the corner store. You’ve heard the chorus melody a million times since you were young, but, no, it’s a melody only Proulx could deliver, her voice resembling bells and woodwinds more than vocals.
“Found Me” sounds like Nirvana. “Say Can You Hear” has that new wave drive.
The groove of “Air” is otherworldly. A mildly brooding verse spills into the euphoric hook: “So I thought you could come over mine...some time. Our loneliness now gone.” As with many Men I Trust songs, “Air” does not fade out, but dances away.

My friend, you have a vivid quill.

Despite the inescapably dreamy qualities of Men I Trust’s oeuvre, there’s a decidedly grounded sense to their work, a desire for clarity -- the contrast brings yet another level to the listening experience, lyricism weaving between daydreaming and existential doubt. “I Hope To Be Around” plays with Platonist-Socratic concepts (“I hope to be around the day we grasp in truth the nature of mind befriending time, in truth,”), though the breadth of lyricism and philosophical ideology (J.S. Mill to Goethe) makes it clear all members contribute to the writing process, questioning many aspects of self-significance and morality.
“For me, these contradictions make for a weird literary genre, at once positing the insignificance of humans and the god-like invulnerability of men and women of good. It’s horrifying and reassuring (the power of truth), sublime (greater than ourselves), and f---g funny,” I’m told. “It’s like watching a horror comedy. It’s a mix of emotions cancelling each other and it leaves me feeling like a blindfolded fool, puzzled with a donkey tail in his hand.” Read through a few Men I Trust songs, and at least one line will leave you handling a donkey tail of your own.
Of course, all Men I Trust lyrics are refracted through Proulx’s mesmerizing vocals. A French speaker, she has described the English language as another instrument (I challenged myself not to use the word ‘ethereal’ in describing her voice. Or ‘gossamer.’ Or ‘gauzy,’ ‘gracile,’ or even ‘as a light rain.’ So, I will not.). Her instrument contains multitudes.

Men I Trust Lives

It’s a bit mystifying to reconcile the immaculate production behind Oncle Jazz and the band’s relentless, globe-spanning touring schedule, delays or not. Men I Trust’s fully realized sound on Oncle Jazz translates beautifully to the stage. “When we spend too much time working on recordings, especially on a long double album, we look forward to getting outside and touring,” they tell me. For Men I Trust, both playing live and recording are exciting paths to becoming better musicians, a thrilling prospect for fans. “The end results of both are especially rewarding.”
Shortly before finishing this write up, I saw the band play a double header at Boston’s Royale and the Sinclair in Cambridge. Men I Trust played as a five piece, yet remained committed to the halcyon aesthetic: a t-shirt remained over the snare for the duration of the set, cymbals were chained, Emma’s vocals were so quiet you couldn’t hear her speak between songs -- even the roaring denouement of a guitar solo that closes “Seven” managed to melt faces without piercing ears.
No, Men I Trust does not make simple, chill out music. They make music difficult to fully grasp, no matter how welcoming the sound, how natural the fit.
Now, our time is at an end.
Favorite Lyrics

I don't want to feel
a world against our love.
I don't want to grow old,
a lone broken heart.

"Norton Commander"

I'm happy my home found me,
by which force I do not know.
I found my home and it grows by me in beauty.

"Found Me"

In a midway I stand where many stood
only to come home again.
Walking through these streets I know too well
but my thoughts stray away..
I dream of my future, remote from time bounds,
becoming myself
without any end.

"I Hope To Be Around"

My friend,
you have a vivid quill,
a gift you need to use to feel alive.
Those hands look like crooked roots.
Pour them the right stuff
and feel alive.

"Pierre"

Talking Points

Do you prefer the single or album versions of songs such as “Seven” and “I Hope To Be Around”? Please elaborate :)
What do you think a “summer” Men I Trust album would sound like, and more generally, what aspects of their sound would you like to see expanded on moving forward?
What other fully independent bands should Indieheads be listening to in 2020?

Thank you to simonthedlgger for their sprawling write-up! Tune back tomorrow as NMHipsterTrash is scheduled to talk Surf Curse's Heaven Surrounds You. In the meantime, discuss today's album and its write-up in the comments below!

ALL RATINGS of 2012

A STADIUM'S WALKABILITY: Using Google Maps, I look at each stadium's walkability and locale

Walkability is something that's important to a stadium. There has to be activity around the stadium for fans to do before and after games. A few stadiums have excellent walkability, while others are terrible. I'll analyze each stadium using Google Maps, as I haven't been to many of these places, and I'd appreciate input from you guys about other things from each stadium that add to the walkability of a stadium.

HONDA CENTER (ANAHEIM): The area around Ponda seems a little low-key. There's several microbreweries and restaurants, but they seem to be more towards the baseball stadium or on the other side of the river. Walkability seems a little limited in this regard, especially since there's a train station directly serving the stadium.
GILA RIVER ARENA (ARIZONA): Okay, this stadium gets a lot of shit for how remote it is, but it has an entertainment plaza with lots of activity right in front of the stadium, similar to LA Live. Is this plaza any fun? It looks like fun on gamedays.
TD GARDEN (BOSTON): I'm not familiar with Boston, but the stadium is surrounded by highway ramps. That being said, there seems to be a lot of action directly outside the stadium. Great for some quality gameday grub. It's all close together too in concentric avenues in a triangle-shaped block. Really spiffy.
KEYBANK CENTER (BUFFALO): Parking lots, a casino, a couple restaurants, and a huge marina. Oh, and there's a minor league ballpark. I don't know much about Buffalo, but there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of action. Maybe there's more than what's being presented?
SADDLEDOME (CALGARY): Served directly by rail, the Saddledome appears to be a part of the Stampede fairgrounds complex. But the Stampede is after hockey season, so aside from the museum and some country-western bars, what's there to do come gametime?
PNC ARENA (CAROLINA): .......I'm not seeing anything. There's a college football stadium, a high school football field, a large horse stable, and a tiny bistro. Help me out here. This looks really really sad.
UNITED CENTER (CHICAGO): The action seems to be several blocks away in Greektown. This part of Chicago doesn't really have the best reputation, so I'm not sure if I wanna be in this area after dark, especially since there's nothing directly outside the stadium. Walkability is pretty iffy.
PEPSI CENTER (COLORADO) There's a freakin' amusement park! Doesn't look too big but it looks like it could be fun. The stadium is also next to where the Broncos play. Doesn't seem to be a whole lot of restaurants, but there's two restaurants called Brooklyns, wonder if they're any good?
NATIONWIDE ARENA (COLUMBUS): I do believe this stadium is the crown jewel of Columbus' walkable urbanism. There's a lot to do around the stadium! Bars, restaurants, shops all within an arm's reach! This is what an NHL stadium should have. Bravo!
AMERICAN AIRLINES CENTER (DALLAS): There's a plaza thingy right outside the stadium, which is neat, also there's a lot of bars and stuff a couple blocks up from the stadium. It looks very encouraging.
LITTLE CAESARS ARENA (DETROIT): I know this stadium, along with Comerica Park and Ford Field, are supposed to be catalysts to revitalize Detroit's downtown. There are tons of restaurants and bars, even a casino, and it looks like a lot of fun. I beg the question...how safe is Downtown Detroit?
ROGERS PLACE (EDMONTON): Your gaudy airplane-hangar-of-a-stadium is right in downtown, with lots of things to do all within an arm's reach of the stadium. I love how part of the stadium has a skyway over the street. A vast improvement over your old stadium, which doesn't have anything of note.
BB&T CENTER (FLORIDA): There's a large outlet mall, an IKEA, and a boulevard full of chain restaurants. Not easily accessible by public transport. Pathetic. Next!
STAPLES CENTER (LOS ANGELES): LA Live is the shit! A great place to hang out on gamedays. Lots of activities and fun to be had. Served by the LA Metro. They really knocked it out of the park here. This is peak walkability.
XCEL ENERGY CENTER (MINNESOTA): Located in St. Paul, Minneapolis' more cultured, preppy, bougie older brother. There's a neat little park area and a lot of bars and eateries along 7th Street. Looks like a fun stadium to be around. St. Paul looks bloody beautiful and the stadium is in a great location.
CENTRE BELL (MONTREAL): Well, it's Montreal, famous for its food and nightlife, and the stadium location seems to be within a stone's throw of it all. Nothing really to complain about, looks like a lot of fun.
BRIDGESTONE ARENA (NASHVILLE): Well, this doesn't disappoint. Museums, legendary music venues, plenty of bars and restaurants, and the stadium is close to it all. The stadium really set out to be part of the Music City and god damn I am envious on how great the walkability is. A+, I truly am envious.
PRUDENTIAL CENTER (NEW JERSEY): There's a few bougie breweries, some chain restaurants, a famous deli nearby, and a Planned Parenthood. It's fucking Newark. I value my life dearly. Sorry.
BARCLAYS CENTER (NY ISLANDERS): A crown jewel of gentrification. This stadium doesn't look like it belongs in the neighborhood, like it was tacked on haphazardly. I mean, there's a lot of bars and restaurants, but how many are there as a result of Brooklyn's ongoing gentrification? I look at this one rather carefully, as it feels rather inauthentic. Sorry Isles fans, I hope your stadium issue gets fixed soon.
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN (NY RANGERS): It's a stadium in Manhattan that sits on top of a train station. It's had peak walkability since it was built, although I can imagine Manhattan can be quite expensive. Literally anything and everything is surrounding the stadium. Words simply can't do it justice.
CANADIAN TIRE CENTRE (OTTAWA): An outlet strip mall and a Costco. Fucking what. Next!
WELLS FARGO CENTER (PHILADELPHIA): I understand South Philly isn't the safest of neighborhoods, but that parking lot is massive. There's a building called Xfinity Live that's supposed to be a hub for all three stadiums, with entertainment options. What is there exactly?
PPG PAINTS ARENA (PITTSBURGH): It's next to a college campus, but the fun stuff outside of the stadium seems to be in Downtown a couple blocks down. Doesn't seem like a bad time.
ENTERPRISE CENTER (ST. LOUIS): Considering it's downtown, you have to walk a few blocks to get to the fun part of town, but it doesn't seem too bad. I can't really see a whole lot, so help me out please?
SAP CENTER (SAN JOSE): I don't think they had walkability in mind when they built the Tank. Everything is very spread out, I mean there looks like to be good stuff but you have to drive several blocks down to get to anything. This stadium would really benefit from a BART extension.
AMALIE ARENA (TAMPA BAY): I'm gonna hate saying this because they're a rival team, but I fucking LOVE Tampa's Channelside neighborhood. Friendly atmosphere, lots of good times to be had, and it's peak Florida fun. This was a great place to put a stadium, it's no mystery how the Bolts packs the house every night, win or lose.
SCOTIABANK ARENA (TORONTO): What can I say? It's a stadium on the waterfront of a major North American city, downwind from an iconic world landmark and a couple blocks away from the fucking Hockey Hall of Fame. Anyone that can't find anything fun to do around the stadium is a fool. The sentiments I had for Madison Square Garden, I echo those sentiments with Toronto.
ROGERS ARENA (VANCOUVER): This area looks like a lot of fun. Gastown looks like a grand old time. There's a marina, several nightclubs and bars, and it just overall looks like I'd be entertained around these parts.
T-MOBILE ARENA (VEGAS): It's the fucking world-famous Las Vegas Strip in Paradise, Nevada. Get a clue. Next!
CAPITAL ONE ARENA (WASHINGTON): It's in Chinatown with lots to do and the US Capitol building is nearby. This looks like a prime location for a stadium. Kinda confusing to consider that this team once played in bumfuck Maryland.
BELL MTS PLACE (WINNIPEG): I know Winnipeg has a poor reputation for lacking in nightlife and activities, but I'm not seeing a whole lot outside of the stadium. A bar here, and restaurant there, which is odd considering the stadium is surrounded by buildings. I expected there to be a lot more and I'm just not seeing it.

If anyone has anything to add or correct, please comment. Thank you!

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WWE Network Updates: 11/06/2017

My friend asked me what the best JonTron video was

My buddy he comes up to me and he says “Hey what’s your favorite JonTron film?”
And ya knows what I does?
I waltzes right up to him and I looks him square in da eyes and I says to him
Jon: And they said Kratos was the best hero...shish...they got it wrong sister. Hercules is clearly better. He even has a coconut weapon...
Jacques: Jon, I am finally back from Vietnam. LOL.
[JACQUES IS BACK FROM WAR GUYS!]
Jon: Jacques! Come here! I want to show you, I'm playing a game based on my favorite Greek legend, Heracles.
[DISNEY'S TARZAN (For the N64)]
Jacques: I'm glad to see nothing has changed around here.
Jon (singing): Two worlds...one family!
Jacques: Fuck this shit.
Jon (singing, heavily slurred): Son of man, look to the sky!
(Jacques explodes)
Jon: Wait a second, Jacques. I've got it! Hercules went through his 12 trials to become immortal right? Well, I mean, I don't want to stop playing games or doing the things I love to do with you or even making this show!
Jacques: Hasn't stopped you before.
Jon: I want to become immortal, too, Jacques. Just like Hercules! By playing the 12 games of Herc-- ...wait what did you fuckin' just say to me?
(The shot freezes)
KICK IT!
[LET'S START THE PARTY!]
(JonTron Intro)
(Title card)
(Ta-da sound)
Jon: Hercules!
Jon: Greek myths have always been a fascinating subject to me. Tales of treacherous journeys and epic voyages across the sea! Mythological beasts of old and the very fabric of nature itself. They tell of humans...creating larger than life heroes and gods...in their own flawed image. No one is safe from his or her own...hubris.
Jon: So to make an example of my point Imma play a Hercules game on the Commodore 64, it's called Hercules. What a name... I--I guess they didn't have to try back then, it was the 80s, all they had to worry about was Ronald Reagan talking about Gorbachev!
Jon (narrating): More like the Commodore Sixty-Bore! Heh heh, just kidding, it was actually pretty revolutionary.
[The game begins and Jon clicks his fingers to the intro music]
Jon: That's what I call music...
Jon (narrating): Now you know me and everybody's favorite part of Hercules myth was horse, sheep, lion, barn, ... uh... not sure what this is but it fits in, it fits in good.
(The game's story appears)
Jon: Alright, good thing, we got some back story here. Let's begin!
(Jon dies in the game before he even gets a chance to move around, and it goes back to the game's story screen)
(Shows Jon staring blankly with the joystick in his hands)
Jon: ... Oooooooooooh!
Jon (narrating): So yeah, apparently you die instantly if you don't start to move, I'm not fuckin' around, I'm talking like instantly! I mean, what kind of legendary reflexes do they expect people to have? I--I mean at this point they b--barely mastered Galaga! As soon as you die it skips you ahead randomly to the next level or something, so you don't even have a chance to learn what you did wrong in the first place. And before you know it, it's over. What the hell is this shit?
Jon (narrating): This was so jarring to me that I actually had to go online and check if that's the way the game is supposed to be, and it's not just broken. And yeah...that's the way the game is supposed to be. ...Who would do this? Who...would DO THIS?!
Jon (narrating): It's absolutely random, it's like the 1980s version of I Wanna Be the Guy! You jump here, platform turns invisible! Fire! DEAD! You jump there, fire, DEAD!
(Shows multiple shots of Jon dying in the game ending with a scene showing a car exploding from the 1995 film Casino)
Jon (narrating): DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!
Jon (narrating): Hey, at least I can get the big sleep, so I don't have to play this game. And I'm not talking about the Salvador Dali painting.
Jon (narrating) Oh yeah, Herc. Climb those ropes. Climb those ropes, baby, so close.
Jon (narrating): Almost at the exit--so close, come on!
(Jon dies)
Jon (narrating): Oh, come on!! I'm done with this.
Jon: Believe it or not, there's actually another Hercules related game on the Commodore 64, It's called Hercules: Slayer of the Damned. I guess they just...(snaps his fingers)...couldn't get enough of that...generic 80s mythos back in the day! What, with the hot pink?!
(Shows Jon holding a cassette tape)
Jon: Whoever heard of a game being on a cassette tape? (flicks the tape) Let's "boot it up", ladies and gentlemen!
(Jon puts the tape in and plays it, and a loud static noise is heard)
[(ACTUAL NOISE IT MADE)]
(Cuts to the gameplay)
Jon (narrating): ...Well, hi there! What are you up to today?
(A skeleton NPC shuffles in)
Jon: Pffffff...what?
Jon (narrating): Well, I gotta say, there is not much to this one... You just--you just sorta beat the shit outta this guy and there's all these things going on in the corners of the screen that I just--I just have no idea what the hell... There's actually other versions of this game on consoles like the ZX Spectrum and the MSX.
(Jon defeats the skeleton NPC)
Jon (narrating): Yeah!
(Another skeleton NPC exactly like the first one shuffles in)
Jon (narrating): Ho ho ho, is that the way you're gonna pla-- No thank you! I'm not dancing this dance today! Or should I say, shuffling this shuffle. NEXT!
Jon: As for some of the early video game industry's more interesting takes on Hercules fable, we have (points to the cartridge)...DFC-HE...It's a--It's a lady...(points to the title in Japanese) I dunno what this is...
Jon (narrating): It's a Famicom RPG, and quite honestly, I could not tell you what the hell's going on in it.
[Called Glory of Heracles!]
This rather unknown series is still going on today on the Nintendo DS, under the same name. Who'd have thought?
Jon: So here's a little known classic for the PS1, Herc's Adventures, and it's all thanks to--
(the audio track cuts out and is replaced with Jon narrating)
'Jon (narrating)': the military industrial complex.
Truth be told, I don't even know where I'm getting all these games from.
Now if we're being strict on mythological canon here, this is actually Hercules. As you can see here, he is the Hercules of legend... they just call him Herc...it counts.
You can also pick from mythological characters Atlanta and Jason. ...IF YOU'RE STUPID! I don't know who'd wanna play these two! One's a...city in Georgia, THE OTHER ONE'S A REGULAR NAME! Nah, I wanna play as Hercules!
(The gameplay starts)
'Jon (narrating)': That sounds just a bit too much like Dan Castelleneta.
Herc: Don't worry. I'm Hercules!
Jon: So it's basically just a Diablo style beat-em-up. It's pretty cool, honestly. One of the better lesser-known games out there for the PS1. The art style's sweet, and the music sounds a near-lawsuit level similar to Star Wars...
(The game's music, suspiciously similar to Star Wars plays)
[EPISODE IV
HERC'S ADVENTURES
At one point in time the creators of Herc's Adventures decided that they did not give a shit. They were like, whatever, I like Star Wars, and so do most people, so why don't we just use the music from that and just change a few notes.
"That's genius, Arthur!" said Milton from the back of the room. The funny thing about this is that Milton has been dead for about 13 years. In fact, it is still a mystery how he knew Arthur's name given that Arthur was a recent tranfer from Montreal.]
(Shows Luke Skywalker on Tatooine gazing at the sunset as Jon narrates over him)
Jon (narrating): ...How'd dat happen?
(Cuts back to the gameplay, where Zeus appears out of a bolt of lightning)
Jon: Ah, not yet, I'm too young!!
Zeus: Ah, good work so far! But you still have a long way to go. Seek out the help of my fellow gods, Hera, Poseidon, Athena, and Dionysus. But be careful!
Jon: Oh yeah? Yeah. Yes. Yep. Gotcha. Fantastic. Unbelievable.
Zeus: Hades has many allies. In fact, there's a couple of hundred of them just up ahead.
Jon: Couple of what of them?
Zeus: Couple of hundred of them.
Jon: Couple of hundred of them?
Zeus: (distorted) COUPLE OF HUNDRED OF THEM just up ahead. So, good luck.
Jon: Thank you.
Zeus: I mean, good luck!
Jon: Thank you...?
Hades: Heheheheheh...I shall defeat you, and then you shall serve me in the land--
Jon: 'Scuse me, Hades, do you think you could speak up a bit?
Hades: You shall serve me in the land of the dead.
Jon (quietly): "You shall serve me in the land of the dead..." That's how he talks.
Jon: Everything here really shines--wait, whas that?
[EAT GYROS TO RESTORE HEALTH!]
(A version of JonTron's theme song plays as Jon gets up)
Jon: The day has come...the news that was sent to change my life...has fallen upon me.
(music abruptly stops)
Jon: Imma be right back.
(Jon sings over a synthpop based ballad)
Jon (singing): He's goin' to get a gyro...although it's technically pronounced yee-ro...Although I still wanna call it a gyro 'cause it sounds cooler!
(Cuts to half of the gyro eaten back at Jon's house)
Ughh!
My stomach!
Cameraman: Dude, are you gonna be all right?
Jon: You shut up--!
Disney's Hercules! Finally, a familiar face. And, hey, this movie has always been one of my favorites. So, let's see what this one has to offer. These games just keep showing up at my house while I'm sleeping, man!
(Title screen)
(Gameplay)
This game is actually freaking awesome! Awesome music, awesome and punchy sound effects, responsive controls, and DANNY DEVITO THAT TALKS TO YOU! KICK IT DANNY!
Danny: Knock 'em, woo woo woo! All right! Rule number 95, kid, concentrate! (Unintelligible) What are you doing? Get your sword!
[ENCOURAGEMENT EXCITEMENT WISDOM ???????????]
Jon (narrating): I'LL GET MY SWOOOOOORD FOR YOU DANNY!!!
(Shows Jon beating up a ragdoll with his sword)
Well, that's...well, that's...well, that's just not right at all I wouldn't think...
The game functions on a 2D plane that usually consists of sprites. It's all very interesting and exciting, and just dang fun to play. I'd have to say it can easily be considered a hidden gem on the PS1. I mean, come on! Just listen to Danny DeVito's conviction.
Danny: (Unintelligible)
Jon: It's a thing of beauty, okay? You hear that guy? You hear the truth in that dialogue? We're all living in the human condition, but he's speaking it.
I mean, after something like this it couldn't get any better, right? It's tops! We had fun! We're at ecstasy. Wrong! Game Boy version's a piece of shit! Have a look for yourself. I'm sure it'll be an enriching experience.
(The game loads up, and the story flashes on the screen)
[HERCULES! LOOK FOR BONUSES IN THE TREES!]
Jon: Now listen to me, if everyone was critical of everything all the time the world would be a dull place. So let's start with the positives: at least it gave me a milliseconds preview of the game before shovin' a hint in my fuckin' face! Hercules, look for bonuses in the trees. What does that mean, dude? Hm, if there was ever anything to give me the goose pimples, it's probably that. Now, that's just weird! That's like starting a game off being like, "Hercules, remember the scent of mother!" Like, what the fuck, dude?? I'm receptive, don't start me off like that, ease me into this shit! Ohkay? Don't just start off gunhoe, don't play your royal flush right away! I always save a royal flush when playing poker, the...the...the thing is don't play poker with me.
Oh my god, that music. That sounds nothing like Disney's Hercules! That doesn't even sound like it could go in the special features on the DVD. It's just one of those songs that drones on and on and on! Perfectly complementing the gameplay I might add. And these hints just keep popping up! Hercules, beware of fireballs. Hercules, beware of spite and jealousy! This game is pure action. I'm not--this game is so much action that if there was a war to protest, this game will be there in Time Square picketing before the feminists got there.
That looks more like Luke Skywalker than Disney's fuckin' Hercules. He does some weird run if you mess around with the buttons. I don't know what it does though.
This game is an ungodly amount of hard. One fuck-up and you're dead. And back to the beginning. Love it. I mean, come on! How do I get on this vine? I am inching...so slowly, and I CAN'T...I CAN'T GET IT! Oh, I see, you gotta do this bullshit to get it. Of course... Good luck landing that. This game is clearly meant to be an acrobatic platformer, as you can see. Well, while we're here we might as well rave about it!
(Footage of the gameplay plays with rave music in the background)
Jon: I gotta to say though, It's kinda cool when he swings his sword...feels like there's some real weight to it.
Now that would be all there is to say about the Disney Hercules games, but there's one last strange addition to this collection. Hercules 2 for the Sega Genesis? Okay, that's right. There's a pirated version of the PS1 edition for the Sega Genesis. Called...Hercules 2. That sure makes a lot of sense.
(Cuts to a kid playing Call of Duty)
Jon: Where was Hercules 1 exactly? Someone fill me in on this?
[Snapping sound plays]
Jon: Also, what's with the snapping? Did you mean to use this sound effect, guys?
[Ringing sound plays]
Jon: This game is really odd. It uses a lot of the same sound bites only incredibly bit crushed.
[GAMEPLAY!]
Jon: Yeah, no. I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna do this. Hercules does what Nintendercules.
Alright, last on our list! Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. You know, like the TV show. With Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or whoever the fuck that was. Fabio? Albert Pacino? Fonzie? The fact that there's a game of this verifies that someone out there hates me. Hercules TV edition! God, this menu music makes me feel like I'm about to embark on an educational adventure or something. I'm not knocking that. Cause I wanna do that. So I hope that's what's going to happen.
Jon imitating Carl Sagan: The brain is made up of billions and billions of neurons.
Jon: Stay a while, friend, and I will tell you an epic tale. Yes, mm, I'm buying it. Clearly, that is the gait of a man who has an epic tale to tell. Blah blah. Blah blah! Okay, probably something about Dracula or werewolves. Let's do this hoopderscotch! Good morning, Hercules. It is time to train! Follow me outside so that we may begin. I don't feel... I don't feel like I'm being treated appropriately here. Hm, there's something about this game that seems eerily familiar, isn't it? But I can't put my finger on it. Hmm. What is it? The blue action button? The chicken cooing? That forest like and cozy opening? That- holy shit! Teleportin' centaur! Shoulda called it the Legend of Hercules: Ocarina of time if you catch my cold! Achoo!
Seriously, this game's introduction is merely identical to Ocarina of Time. It's like they just want to get my pavlovian goin'. My pavlov. Hey, I'm sold. I need you to clear these rocks out of this field for me, Hercules. Riveting. I mean, honestly. You get the deadliest and strongest demigod on the planet and this is what you use him for. This is his best application? Well, I mean, yeah... Who else could pick up rocks that big? Your sister? Sister can't do it. You know as far as a licensed game with an I.P. this mundane, it's really not that bad. Kind of impressive in scale. Although, ultimately, it's nothing I'd write home about.
[Except for this part...]
Jon: But let's be honest. Bring down the mic! The best thing about this game is the over powered-ass pause sound!
[PAUSE FX]
Jon: Also there's actually a Game Boy version of this one. Let's have a look at it. That's the box art? I don't think that's Kevin Sorbo at all.
[Loud, ear splitting "music"]
Jon: Ah...Ow...
Jacques: Owowowow wowowow. Jacques explodes
Jon: So the first thing you'll notice about this magnificent work of art is the score. Or should I say the knives running up and down rusty garbage bins. That's probably closer. This hurts my ears so bad! It needs to stop!
[HLPME]
Jon: It's like a mix between a fever dream and the Insane Clown Posse. Oh, man, looks like Hercules has been eating one too many ambrosias. Heheheh you know what I'm sayin'? His walk cycle is amazing. I can't get enough of it. He looks like Eric Cartman trying to cut a jig.
[Jon dances around trying to impersonate Hercules' walking]
Jon: Unlike the N64 version, this version is more like an RPG. It makes this annoying sound every time you talk to someone.
[boop and bop noises that sound like a 1980's computer]
Jon: Like world is coming to an end or something. "I only speak to sailors." Well, if that's the case, you'll probably pretty much limiting yourself to port towns, honestly, and even then they're out to sea most of the time. Why aren't you on a boat? A boat would really be a better fit for you. Also, what the fu... who says that? The fisherman also only talks to sailors. Okay, well, at least that one makes some sense. The stroller also only talks to sailors. Okay, first of all, what kind of an occupation is stroller? What kind of town is this? How did anyone even learn speech if everyone talks to sailors and there ain't no sailors 'round town?! Well, I guess if being a sailor is what it takes to be validated around here I might as well take to the streets and give it my all.
[Hercules falls into the water and drowns instantly]
Jon: Ohohoh my god! He didn't stand a chance! Poor hunk of a bastard sunk like a brick. Huh. Well, this sweet old lady seems kind enough. Maybe, I'll finally get a hint about what to do around here. Don't stay here. I might hurt you. Lady, you gotta work on that anger. I'm sorry to have imposed on you, madam. Good thing we're not in Florida or this may have really turned ugly. Leave me alone. Can't you see that I am busy. Oh, don't you worry, Eury. It's plain for all to see. Also, I think it's prudent to point out that it's actually Mr. Eurydice who's the busy one. Busy, busy, busy. He can't even be bothered to clean up the dead cat, he's so preoccupied! The cat's dead, dude, you can't just leave something like this laying around. You gotta step up. You gotta be a man. Get rid of this. Put it in the trash. You can't be jerkin' responsibility.
Now I've played a lot of RPGs in my day, and I gotta say hand down this one has to have the most stand off-ish NPCs ever! I don't think even one of these people is happy to see you. They might as well not be there at all. Hey guys! I don't think you should be so rude to Hercules! He's the son of Zues! Also, he can kill you real easily. I think that's the main thing. All right, well, if I can't find any help outside maybe I'll find some help inside.
"Get out of our home."
[Jon laughs and facepalms]
Jon: Well, yeah. I mean, I suppose that's right. I think anything from that would be deviating from the norm.
[Jon throws his arms up into the air, gets a bottle of pills and swallows them all]
Jon (internal voice): I didn't really want to become immortal that much anyways. Too much hard work.
[He then drinks a bottle of vodka] [Dear Kids: Please don't kill yourselves then sue me.]
Jon (internal voice): We gotta watch people going in and out of the White House for the rest of the time. No thanks, Samuel.
[POOP]
Then he stares roight back at me and he says “swood”

Wayback Wednesday - The Heist

Since it was first commissioned in 1892, the Stanley Cup has taken on its own mythology. It's been to three continents. It's been beaten, dinged, kicked, thrown and abandoned.
It's been used as a baptismal font, ashtray, doggy dish, an on-stage prop for strippers, a bubble gum bowl, and – of course – a drinking vessel.
It's been left on street corners, left behind on frozen rivers, slept with, pried open by curious players, and found at the bottom of swimming pools.
There are many odd tales to tell about the most recognizable trophy in North American sports, but there's a really weird one I'd like to share with you today.
March 31, 1962 – dateline, Chicago. The Montreal Canadiens and the hometown Black Hawks (with a space) are deep into their semifinal playoff series. The Habs, at this point, are nothing short of a dynasty, winning four straight Cups from 1956 to 1960.
The Black Hawks broke that streak the year before, eliminating the Habs on their way to their first Cup since 1938. The Habs and their fans wanted revenge.
The Habs took the first two games of the series before heading south for games three and four. In those days, teams took trains from game to game and included a large entourage with the team on board. Coaches, beat writers, healthy scratches, and even a few lucky fans got to travel with the players.
One of the fellows on the Montreal train was a twenty-something super fan named Ken Kilander. Born and raised in Montreal, Kilander was a hockey player himself, but a lousy one. His boyhood dream of making the Habs dashed, he made a living as a pianist.
He travelled with the team on road trips frequently, hustling money for transportation and hotel rooms by playing the piano near the team's hotel. More often than not, Kilander would be wearing his cherished team jacket – word said he was given it by one of the team's players.
Kilander became loosely known to the players but was mostly known to the team's beat writers. They'd often socialize with Kilander on the train or after a few wobbly pops in a hotel lounge.
On March 31, the night before game three was scheduled, the group gathered in the bar of the team's hotel, the LaSalle, about a mile away from the raucous confines of Chicago Stadium. Kilander overheard one of the loose-lipped scribes saying that league officials had arranged for the Stanley Cup to be publicly displayed in the Stadium's lobby.
The drinks continued to flow until Kilander piped up. His exact words were lost to history and drowned out by whiskey years ago, but he said something like this:
“What would you all do if I found a way to get the Cup to the boys?”
The writers raised an eyebrow. After a one-beat pause, some laughed. One reporter, knowing the game would be played on April Fools' Day, said if Kilander could find a way to get the Cup to the hotel, he'd take a photo and send it back to his paper for publication.
Another reporter egged him on. Others said it would cause huge trouble, but it'd still be a good laugh. Apparently, one of them made Kilander a bet, that the pianist would earn $400 if he got the Cup to the hotel.
Don't make bets when you're drinking, people. Things get weird when you do. Things would get weirder the next day.
Game three started the next night just as many others had at the Stadium. Kilander made his way through the turnstiles and, to his amazement, saw that one of the writers was right. Sitting in a glass display case in the lobby, on a small wooden stand, was the Stanley Cup.
Kilander pondered it for a short while before heading to his seat.
For a hardcore Habs fan, game three wasn't a good night. Two quick goals made it 2-0 Chicago before the first period ended. By the time forty minutes had been played, it was 3-0 Black Hawks..
Distraught, Kilander left his seat and wandered down to the arena lobby. “My Habs were getting clobbered,” he said later. “I couldn't take any more of that.”
He walked through the now-empty lobby and saw the Cup, still standing on its wooden plinth near the rink's exit onto Madison Street. A small padlock held the case closed.
Kilander remembered the drunken wager the writer offered him the night before.
He knew what he had to do.
It's not really known how he did it – either he smashed the display case, picked or forced the lock open, or just so happened to find the lock already undone. The method isn't all that relevant – the end result certainly is.
Kilander wound up with the case open and the Stanley Cup right in front of him. No sirens or alarms went off. No security saw him. It was just the fan and the holy grail.
“I couldn't resist reaching in and taking the Cup in my arms. The Hawks were about to win, and who knew when I'd ever see it again,” he'd say years later.
Kilander held the Cup, then grabbed it fully, took it out of the display case, and beat feet out of there. If the Habs couldn't bring home the Cup, he'd damn well do it for them.
He made a quick dash for the exit, first trying to cover the Cup with his prized jacket. Realizing the Cup was too big to hide, he hoped he could sneak out the side exit and get onto the street, where it would be a fairly short walk to the team's hotel.
Kilander was steps away from the exit when he heard a voice behind him. “Hey,” it said. Sounded like some kid. Kilander turned his head back. It was a kid – a sixteen-year-old arena usher named Roy Perrell. Perrell had noticed the guy with the Habs jacket walking sneakily out of the building with hockey's most prized trophy and, shockingly enough, thought he probably shouldn't be doing that.
Perrell approached Kilander and asked him again, “What are you doing?”
Kilander thought of a quick reply; “I'm taking the Cup back to Montreal – where it belongs.”
Impressed with his quick line, Kilander kept walking. He only got a few more steps in before hearing another voice – this one, deeper than the last.
Chicago police sergeant Jerry Cortapessi was on the scene. Cortapessi asked the same question Perrell asked Kilander. He got the same response. It went over about as well as you'd expect – dead, hostile silence.
Kilander thought his goose was cooked but then remembered the bet - $450 if he could get the Cup to the hotel. Kilander mentioned the bet to the two and offered them both a substantial cut if they let him walk.
Cortapessi wasn't impressed. “Only if you're Rocket Richard and I'm the Tooth Fairy,” he reportedly said before grabbing the Cup from Kilander and handcuffing him.
So much for the hotel – Kilander would be sleeping in the hoosegow instead.
The next day, Kilander was taken to Chicago municipal court, still wearing his jacket. The Black Hawks, realizing this was all an ill-conceived joke – or maybe still satisfied after beating the Habs 4-0 - didn't press charges against Kilander.
Kilander told the judge he wasn't actually going to bring the Cup back to Canada, just to the hotel instead. The plan afterwards – what would he do with the Cup, if he'd return it, etc. - was kind of hazy after that.
He told the judge about the bet and that he offered the two arresting parties, Perrel and Cortapessi, a cut of his earnings if they let him walk.
That smells an awful lot like bribery, but the judge said the situation differently. Kilander was given a charge of disorderly conduct and was ordered to pay a $10 fine and court costs.
Just to cover his bases, the judge also told Kilander he had to promise he would never try to steal the Stanley Cup again. “I cross my heart and hope to die, I'll never do it again!” he said.
"He said to me, "You can go back to the Stadium tomorrow night and cheer all you want for your Canadiens, but the Cup stays here unless the Black Hawks lose, which I doubt very much they will," said Kilander years later.
Kilander did at least succeed in one way – the papers back home ate his story up. His attempted theft made the sports pages in every paper across North America. Habs coach Toe Blake weighed in, saying, “We want the Cup, sure! But we want to win it, not steal it.”
After game four, another Habs loss, Chicago police suggested firmly that Kilander catch the next train home. He did.
The Habs would lose that series in six games, blowing their shot and an almost-unprecedented dynasty. The Hawks didn't fare much better, losing to Toronto to create that ever-rarest of hockey flukes – a Cup for the Maple Leafs.
Kilander kept following the Habs for years after the attempted heist. He moved to Atlantic City for a while and tinkled the ivories in the city's casino haunts, later becoming – ironically enough – a security officer on the city's Boardwalk. He still found ways to make it to as many Habs games as he could.
Kilander was banned from seeing Rangers games in Madison Square Garden after the incident – even though the hapless Rangers had no reason to ever worry about the Cup ever being in their home rink. Nonetheless, Kilander met with Ranger GM Muzz Patrick to try and clear his name.
Patrick himself had a weird history with the Cup. When his father Lester had the Cup in his possession in the 1920's, Muzz and his brother both scratched their names into it with bent nails. Later, when he won it with the Rangers in 1940, Muzz and his teammates reportedly peed directly into the trophy's bowl, in what can only be described as the weirdest office team-building exercise in history.
Nobody really knows what happened in the conversation between the two, but between sharing stories of hockey games past and a short performance on piano by Kilander, Patrick relented and allowed him back in.
The Kilander fiasco had one long-lasting effect on the Stanley Cup. Ever since Kilander broke into the case, the Cup has been guarded like royalty, with security and police around it at almost all times and a pair of stewards always close at hand.
Part of the reason they're there is to keep the trophy looking good and shiny, to ensure the person holding it doesn't end up hoisting a rusty, bent bucket.
I think we can tell what another reason is – to keep the craziest fans around, the Ken Kilanders of the world, from trying to steal it.

If you want to read more about the weird, forgotten or amazing bits of hockey history, visit our subreddit at /wayback_wednesday. You'll find dozens of articles just like this one.
We'll be back soon with another article. If you have any ideas or information for later Wayback Wednesday posts, please don't hesitate to message me or comment below. I'm never too busy to answer questions about these.

Greatpointbut@hockey

[Table] IAmA: We are five hitchhikers who have used our thumbs to travel over 270,000 km collectively in 30 countries. AuA about hitchhiking!

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Date: 2013-12-18
Link to submission (Has self-text)

Questions	Answers
Obviously, a big part of hitchhiking is the human aspect, but let's talk about vehicles. You've spent more time in the passenger seats of more vehicle types and makes than most. Have you developed a preference? Freightliner vs. Mac., which is the better truck? Strangest vehicle you've ridden in? Most luxurious? Smoothest suspension? Most likely to be driven by somebody who will pick up hitchhikers?	Love this question! Honestly, any time a truck stops it's one of the best feelings you can know. Last summer I was in south east california and the sun was almost down. I was just about to go set up camp when a huge 18 wheeler pulls over. You always have this moment of frantic euphoria as you run towards the truck where you think to yourself "HOLY SHIT HE ACTUALLY STOPPED FOR ME". Riding in the back of a pick up truck is a close second for most fun. Got a long ride (also last summer) in a pick up from Arizona to New Mexico. Felt so good to have the wind in my hair as we blazed through the desert. Good times! Strangest Vehicle? Freight train, 60s VW beetle, minivan piled high with birdfeeders one time. Smoothest suspension? Trucks aren't bad, had some very nice luxury 4x4s which were great. Most likely to be driven by a hitcher-picker-upper? Beat up cars are slightly more likely I suppose. Pretty rare to get picked up by a flashy sports care. In general not too much of an obvious trend. Preference? Trucks are comfier and offer better views... but cars are faster. 80kmph vs 130-220kmph can make a big difference if you have a long way to go. Depends on how much of a rush or sightseeing mode I am in. However a car with heated seats is fantastic when you are cold! :) Most luxurious? Several high-end Mercedes sports cars or similar and I hitched a chauffeur driven luxury car. Most often the really nice cars are high-end busniess saloons with a big engine and all mod cons. A mate this month hitched two jaguars in one day(!) and a Porsche two weeks later. Suspension? Well, that would depend on the road. Some of the best cars you will mostly just see on autobahns etc, where you have no way to judge it. Most likely to pick up hitchers? In Europe Polish trucks are pretty good for picking up hitchers (especially if you speak Polish) assuming there is only one driver in the cab already. Other countries, moreso in western Europe and especially in the UK often cannot for insurance reasons. Likewise any trucks carrying flammable or dangerous goods cannot pick up hitchers, and will actually risk being stopped by the cops if there are two people in the cab. Trucker's rides are the best: so comfy, so much view, so much distance, some times a bed, and that oh-so-appreciated little-yellow-thingy that lets you adjust the tightness of your seat-belt (to the ones that have ridden a truck, you know what I'm talking about). Most luxurious: I got picked up by a few sports car, one had retractable ceiling. Not like I cared, really, though... I would still say a truck is the best because of the awesome seat, the yellow-thingy, and the bed. Trucks are nice but in America they don't stop much for you. Been in maybe 2 altogether. For regular vehicles, I've gotten rides in everything from oldschool Porches to the Tesla and everything in between. Amazing Chevys with 800,000 miles on them, a Jaguar with 3000 miles on it (the driver cracked the block on that ride, too!), even got to drive a newer mustang as well. I rarely ever get picked up by VWs, which always throws me off. Don't really have a preference for vehicles. Anything with space works for me! Most luxurious: One of those hummers. They have enough room for your feet to fit two more full on yous. Smoothest ride: The big rigs I've ridden in were really, really comfortable. The best trucks are the ones with two bunks and a driver who is willing to let you sleep in one of them and continue driving in the morning.
How did you guys get the idea to do this? What percentage of drivers do you estimate actually gave you guys rides?	I think we all had different reasons. I was in Tasmania and there was no other way to travel as I didn't have a driver's licence. It was either hitchhike or don't go. Once I started though I realized how much fun it is, and was hooked right away! The percentage of drivers varies incredibly from place to place. New Zealand and Bhutan were the best. You'd wait 5 minutes max (Maybe 1 in 4 cars would pick you up). Mississippi and Western Ontario were the worst, huge wait times (1 in a couple hundred I'd guess).
	A) A desire to travel and really see the country and meet the people rather than just out of bus/train/plane windows. Also, I hate long cramped public transport journeys and was aware that by making my money last I could travel further and for longer.
	B) Depends on country, the area of the country, the weather, the time of day, how you are dressed, if you are alone or in a group, the spot you are hitching from, the number of upcoming turnoffs from the road etc etc. You have to be patient and you will often get a ride quicker from a small village with almost no traffic that you will with a city. That said, I have also been offered lifts by people before I even got a chance to finish making a sign or approach and ask them! :) Percentage? Anything from 100% some days to 0% others.
	Free transportation. on average maybe 0.5-5% will pick you up depending on location.
	I live in a pretty rural area, so getting around wasn't easy for a broke teenager in high school. Eventually I fell in love with the people and the experiences and decided with hitchhiking I could go anywhere I wanted. All it takes is a bag and some gumption.
	Ride percentage strongly changes based on location. In Utah the rides were extremely few and I only got rides from people not from Utah. In Colorado they lined up for me.
	My father hitch-hiked a bunch when he was younger. When I learned about this, it impressed me. I thought the adventures I would get out of such a trip would be pretty awesome.
	The other side of it is that I had been refusing to get my driver's license because I believed we could organize ourselves as a society in such a more efficient way than by simply all having our individual car. I thus tried to opt out of the system by trying hitch-hiking as it created absolutely no economic demand that would stimulate the oil-economy or the car-economy (unless we count the (small, I believe) amount of extra fuel burned caused by my extra weight in a car). Nowadays, I wish I had my driver's license already because I would have been able to help out certain sleepy drivers and thus give them a pay-back, in a certain way. Hell, a trucker in Ontario this year even asked me if I wanted to take the wheel, but then he ended up denying me the opportunity due to my license-free condition. Ah, the errors of the youth! However, no regrets: the last three years of hitch-hiking have been totally awesome.
	Another point would be the cost of travelling while hitch-hiking: the difference is so enormous you wouldn't believe it. If you adopt a rent-free life-style as well, you are looking at an extension of your trip possibly by over 200% (if not way more, depending on the current way you travel/budget). I mostly only pay for food when I am on the road: this means I can easily budget to around 10$/day. Actually, this year I decided to come back to Montreal from Western-Canada by going through the US: the whole trip lasted 32 days (I took my time to take a look at the wonderful National Parks) and cost me 200$... that's a single day of work as a tree planter. (But keep in mind that I also practice dumpster-diving out of disgust toward the horrible amounts of food that can be wasted... and for budget purposes as well.)
	The last point would be about the travel itself. When taking a bus, a plane, or whatever, you usually only get to see Point A and Point B. Now if you think about it, hitch-hiking from Point A to Point B has many advantages: it gives you more time to explore the in-between, it lets you meet the locals and talk with them about their political issues and views, and they also tell you about all those little secret places that the bigger crowd doesn't necessarily get to see, and finally there is a chance for you to find a random adventure to be proposed to you.
	For your second question, I am afraid it'd be too hard to give you a correct answer. A "percentage" wouldn't be representative of any situation in particular: "waiting time" is a more precise data to ask, if you want my opinion. In terms of that, I would say that I can wait anywhere in between 1 to 75 minutes on average (I mostly wait 30-55 minutes), with a fairly high probability of waiting several hours when you are trying to get out of a big city (higher demographic densities usually correlate with less trust toward each other). That and my love for wilderness makes it so that I tend to avoid big cities as much as possible. The smaller towns have the best adventures and people. :)
How do you handle safety concerns? As a woman, I would be paranoid about getting robbed/kidnapped/etc.	I have met a lot of women who hitchhike alone and say they've never had a bad experience. They carry phones, a knife or can of mace, and let people know their route before leaving. That being said it is probably best for women to hitch in pairs, or with a male friend if possible. When I discuss with solo female hitchers, they are not denying that there is a risk to hitching solo, but they're not convinced it's any more dangerous than walking alone downtown at night.
	I generally do not worry too much, though if my spidey-senses tingled I'd decline the lift. Besides, there are far wealthier looking people to rob than me! I do understand the worries about the safety of hitchers as we never know who will stop for us, and while some female hitching friends prefer to hitch solo, some will only hitch with guys. Again, this varies upon where they are hitching, as some areas are safer than others (often for cultural reasons).
	Most of us dont bring any sort of self defense other than a good head on our shoulders. that is the only weapon which cant be used against you.
	If you feel threatened and someone doesn't pull over you always have the option of grabbing their steering wheel and causing a wreck. they will have a hard time kidnapping you.
	Never had any violent situations. I've always carried a knife but its never been anything but a tool. I've travelled with and talked to female hitchhikers and they also never had any real violent experiences. I can imagine it being much more scary for them, but females also tend to get rides faster since people tend to want to try and help them.
	From my personal experience, the solo-hitching women that I've discussed with told me they some times meet jerks or perverts, but that those persons never tried to be forceful about anything. As soon as you identify their "little game", simply let them know you are not in their car for that and they usually either drop you, or drive you safely.
	As a general rule, it seems like for girls, you will have to cover up (don't hitch with a skirt kind of thing).
	In terms of safety in general, I have never felt threatened. People usually assume that a hitch-hiker is pretty poor, so robbing is kind of a ridiculous thought that doesn't come to their mind. In terms of being kidnapped, as TheWindAndRain said, you do have a certain control over your situation: when someone goes away from the planned route, ask them why, and if it sounds fishy, asked to be dropped right away (most of the people are aware that a hitch-hiker may be stressed a bit if they move away from the planned route so they will explain it ahead of time anyways)... and if they refuse, that's when you indeed want to turn to wheel, or use the hand break, or whatever. Realize that they have to keep driving safely so they can't concentrate all their energy on defending themselves from your attacks. Also, if you carry a knife, please make sure you know how to use it for self-defence: else it is too easy to be turned against you.
	But really, I don't think you should be worried about that too much, though it's always good to be prepared.
To be fair, you wouldn't have much chance to talk to a woman who had a very negative experience.	This is a good point. I would imagine, however, that these dangers exist in many aspects of traveling solo, not just hitchhiking. That being said, if you ever did want to try it, find a friend and hit the road!
Have there been times where the person picking you up seemed a bit off, and so you decided to wait for another driver? Or do you guys pretty much get into the vehicle of whoever stops?	There have been a few odd ones, but nobody that has made me feel threatened. If ever I do feel threatened in future I will definitely not get in the car. It's a good policy to say you're not going to the same destination if you feel threatened.
	Turned down lifts because of tingling Spidey-senses, though it happens rarely. I have also accepted lifts from what are called 'The Travelling Community' in the UK/Ireland (Gypsies basically) who have a bad reputation. They were mostly lovely, with one exception in Scotland. Was offered to go to a party with one set in Ireland, offered work by ones in England and other in Scotland saw me getting out of a car in my destination city and asked if I was looking for casual work! :-D.
	Generally though we are fine, my way of looking at it is the assholes drive past. Lots of nice people too, but virtually no assholes will stop.
	I have never turned down a ride that was going where i wanted to go. plenty of times i have gotten bad vibes and no one has ever tried to hurt me.
	Yeah you gotta get a vibe for the people. Its really rare to turn one down, though. You can't go on visuals, either. One ride looked like an axe murderer but was the nicest guy with the softest voice. I've had uncomfortable rides, but never felt in fear for my life. People are generally good.
	I have refused very few lifts, maybe 4?
	Two of them were refused because they weren't driving very far (under 5 km) and the further point was not going to add any new traffic, and I was hitch-hiking at a very good spot (you never know if where you'll be dropped will be a bad spot, so some times it is in your interest to stick with a good shoulder).
	One was because she asked me right away that I would have to split half-half the gas cost if I wanted to enter her car, and it's not like she looked like she was part of the lower socioeconomic classes. To me, that didn't sound like a person that I wanted to meet, so I just refused.
	The last one was because I had been given 3 lifts over 1 km each (without having to wait a single minute in between!), and that one was also going only 1 km ahead, so I decided I had had enough of those lifts. Luckily enough, right after she departed, a guy did a U-turn for me and decided to go for a 14-hours detour to drive me to my destination.
	EDIT: I'm forgetting a lift where I was simply not headed the way it was going.
What is the longest you've waited for someone to give you a ride? What's the longest distance someone drove you?	Longest wait time: about 24 hours in the Australian Outback. I was well stocked with water, and I had a tent, so I knew I wouldn't die. If ever I started running low on supplies I would stand in the road and flag down a car. If a car sees you are in distress (or waving an empty water bottle) they will stop right away. Longest distance, probably North Carolina to Syracuse, whatever that was. Though I did have 1200km on the east coast. I think payne007 had a massive one down the west coast from Alaska to California or something.
	A) Spain, 2 days. I hate hitching in Spain.
	B) From near Nimes in France to a bit north of Valentia in Spain. About 700km, including an overnight stop in Barcelona. Also been offered, but had to decline, a lift from Poland to London (about 1200km). Had a football game to go to, so only went the first few hundred km with them.
	3 days in phoenix. other than that my longest wait is 8 hours in kansas.
	My longest distance ride was from palmer alaska to bakersfield california, 3,250 miles.
	The longest I've ever waited was about 2 days. Finally got a ride by pouring out my water and waiving someone down. Had to sit on someone's lap for over an hour and hang my head out the window but a ride is a ride!! Longest ride was San Francisco to LA. Awesome dude, I still keep in touch with him.
	11 hours, up in Watson Lake (Yukon). After that it's 9 hours out of Vancouver (BC), and 7 hours out of Winnipeg (BC). 6 hours out of Calgary (BC).
	As you can see, it's mostly with big cities that you wait several hours. The Yukon one was because I wasn't trying too hard: I was reading, or juggling.
	You can assume you'll have a ride under 75 minutes for sure generally.
	This year, I got a few pretty (some times only potential) good rides: I had a trucker that went all the way from Hearst (Ontario) to Edmonton (Alberta), and another trucker from Oklahoma to New York. I also had a ride from Whitehorse (Yukon) to Kitwanga (BC), but she was actually going all the way to Sudbury (Ontario), and I had to get off there to go to Terrace. From that same spot she dropped me, as I was hitching to Terrace, I had to turn down another epic ride that was going all the way to California! That damned detour to Terrace was pretty awesome though: I met a nice family that hosted me for a few days and we went hiking around and stuff. Last year and the year before, I also had a trucker that went from Montreal to Winnipeg.
Really?! You just walk up to the locomative's driver and ask them? By that time, you are already trespassing, I believe, so the good old white-truck can bust you, no?	There was no barrier where I was between the tracks and the road, so yeah, I just walked up and said "Sorry to bother you, I don't want to do anything illegal or dangerous, but I'm trying to get east, could I ride with you?" The guy set me up in my own cabin with water and AC. Sweet deal!
Jeez! Whereabout? Got pictures?	New Mexico. Here's my only pic. Typewriting in the cabin.
You had the typewriting machine with you? Or it was already there? EDIT: Funnily, my only chance to hop on a train was right out of New Mexico, in Hereford (Texas).	I brought it. I love typewriting and wanted to write about things as they were happening, as opposed to after having got back. It was a bit of extra weight, but worth it.
I remember someone posting on digihitch a long time ago about hitching with a typewriter, was that you? by the way I have heard from multiple people that just walking up the the conductor and asking for a ride does indeed work.	Nope, wasn't me. There must be at least two of us.
Did all the people that picked you up fit into a particular demographic? Personality type?	Not at all! And this is one of the best thing about hitching. The only similarity is that they are all profoundly good people, but other than that they come from all walks of life. I've had soccer moms, architects, physicists, a fashion designer, single dads, other hitchhikers, mexican refugees, religious, atheists, people driving to find themselves, a math teacher, a set designer for HBO, one of the merry pranksters, and honestly this list could go on forever. Because of the huge diversity of people you learn so much that you wouldn't have considered otherwise. It's a great way to introduce yourself to different worldviews.
	Never! Its always such a variety, all good people coming from different walks of life. You never know who you're gonna meet and the variety of people broaden your understanding of the world around you. You start seeing every individual differently.
	Most of my lifts were from a male of about 35-40 years old. - About 60% of those were self-employed. - 85-90% of my lifts had hitch-hiked at least once in their life. - 5% of my lifts had never picked up hitch-hikers before. - 15-20% of my lifts were from woman (ranged mostly from 30 to 55 years old, and the fact that they some times tend to be older is probably due to their motherly nature?). - 75% of my lifts had been in contact with marijuana at least once in their life-time. And 65% of those had been/were actual drug dealers. - 5% of my lifts did a U-turn to come back to pick me up. - Only 4 or 5 lifts had a baby in their car.
	(This is, obviously, very subjective and approximate.)
	I can't think of other categorization, but if you ask specifically, I could probably give you a number.
What's the most unexpected thing you've used your towel for?	Haha, I loved the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy series. Honest answer: nothing especially interesting comes to mind besides drying myself off.
	Hmm... Aside from the regular drying myself or lying on at the beach/park? Can't think of one thing, but other uses mine has achieved are...
	Wringing with met clothes inside to dry them quickly (quick-drying travel towels rock), head/neck-protecting bandanna, to tie things together (when twisted into a rope-like thing), to carry stuff (holding all 4 corners), across the top of my sleeping bag to catch some of the morning dew, pillow/cushion, to prevent unwanted complaints about my sexy nudity, to block cold drafts from under a door, to create shade on a hot day...and of course as an emergency cape! :)
	I came to believe that a towel is fairly useless. If you have enough clothing, you can simply use clothing to dry yourself out.
	I always carry a towel in my banjo case! Keeps the snare drum dry!
I've always wondered. What about money for your bills? (School loans, credit cards, phone, etc) How do you deal with that while traveling?	I have no debts nor contracts. I also hate owing money to anyone. When I am travelling I am usually on longer trips and thus have no rent/electricity/gas bills to pay either as I move out of my rented accommodation. Just day-to-day living costs. I have a bank account, so I can access funds whether I am in the country or not, so long as I don't loose my cards. Which I usually do not.
	I usually make sure I'm square with everything at the homestead before I leave. I have very little, and it frees me up. I don't really have an address, I don't have any credit cards, my expenses are few and I like it that way. My phone and expenses on the road are taken care of by saving up some money and busking my banjo. Finding work on the road is also an excellent way to go.
	I am homeless and have no bills whatsoever other than a storage unit and a gym membership to shower at, and even that is temporary. Any company that wants to collect a debt from me would find me impossible to contact or find. I am entirely untraceable. I never stay in one place longer than 7 months and often that means no longer than one day.
	When I need to provide an address for something, I make one up.
	I stay away from periodic payments: any interests on payments, rent, phone, etc..
	I work as a tree planter 2 months per year, and as a cherry picker for 2 to 3 weeks per year. Then I pick up any job offered to me on the road.
	Since I usually budget to 10$/day, if not lower, it is very easy for me to have no debts, and yet even actually build up my bank account for the day I'll be done with the road-life.
That bolt of fear that shoots through you when you're hundreds or thousands of miles away from home and you can't find your card! Ahhh!	Or drunkenly put the wring code into a cash machine thrice when it is your only card, you are on the opposite end of the continent from home...And you have only €0.07 in your pocket. :(
What was the best story you heard from the people you were traveling with?	Heard stories from people being abducted by ufos to someone supposedly hitchhiking and having someone pull a gun and try to shoot them as they ran. Most of the stories were probably bullshit. Everyone wants to tell you a story, or be told one. There are some good ones, one dude launched sattelites for a living. Worked with NASA. That was neat. One guy was musician and went into detail on some mothedaughter groupie hookup threesome. Are they true? I don't know but I choose to believe them because that makes life more fun. I had one recently who had dropped out of school and hitched from England to India when he was young. Great to hear people do these things, as it is far better to regret the things you have done than the things you haven't. Not that he regretted doing this! :-D.
Also I thought the title said: We are five Hijackers who have used our thumbs to travel over 270,000 km collectively in 30 countries. With the plane in the image icon I was confused for a bit.	A few good ones come to mind. I had a brit pick me up in Australia who wasn't happy with his life in the UK, so he quit his job, bought a ship and sailed to Australia to start a new life. I was picked up by a 'prison architect' (that's a thing apparently) once who had amazing stories about every pub we passed. He had once picked up a hitchhiker who had left home at 16 in France and had traveled nonstop ever since. He was 35 when the drive had picked him up. An Ecuadorian man who picked me up in Louisiana had ran away from home (also at 16) and lived for a year on top of a bakery. Heaps of good ones!
Share a interesting story/experience!	Interesting experience? Many of them, it's one of the reasons I hitch. I'll give one coincidence story, one funny story and one sad. There are not many sad stories, but I feel this story gives a good indication of the openness of conversations you can have with a stranger.
EDIT: also, sign or thumb. What do you prefer? What do you think gets more rides?	I prefer signs, though sometimes when there is only really one place the road leads I won't bother. Like physicshipster I usually prefer signs, unless the road only goes to one place. Coincidence story: In rural Morocco, just south of the Atlas mountains. Passed the same Polish car and van twice in a day in rural Morocco, first in the morning in the same town as we had stayed in the night before when going to our hitching spot. The second time could see they were just stopped for photographs, and I knew we had about 5km before we were getting out. I quickly made up a sign in Polish on the (correct) assumption that that the car and van would be there soon after us, and going to the gorge at the end of the road. When the car we were in stopped I hopped out, grabbed my bag and while my friend was still getting her bag out of the car spotted the Polish vehicles. I held out the sign and saw the most stunned look on the drivers space before they pulled over and screeched to a halt next to us. Their confusion was compounded by me being a Celt and my friend being Lithuanian - neither being Polish! :-D Anyway, they too were going to Ouarzazate - our destination city a few hundred km away. They not only found space for us but also we went and saw both this gorge and another we wanted to see (the second we had not expected to have time to see, but it turned out they were going to see it too en-route) and we stopped and ate together. The driver of the car knew one guy in Ouarzazate whom he had met before (he did regular charity drives from northern Europe to Senegambia region of Africa). We had a CS host in Ouarzazate, so we were delighted to have a lift to the city. We got to the city and it turned out our host lived almost opposite the hotel our drivers were staying at. Shortly after we got to our hosts place there was a knock at the door - and it turned out that the one guy the Pole knew was our host! :-D It's a small world as they say! :) Sad story: Again with a Polish link. This lift involved a long conversation in broken Polish with a guy with his life in the back of his car who was moving to Germany to work to support his wife and kid. His wife was an extreme alcoholic. I felt really sad for him, I wished I was so much more fluent to be able to speak better with him, to be more comfort to him. I think it was gong him good to talk about it to a stranger, but I felt so sad for him. One of the truly heartbreaking experiences I had hitching. He loved his wife and small son so much, but was being put through the emotional grinder by the wife. He was welling up at times while speaking. I sometimes think about him. I really hope his life has picked up. He didn't even want to move to Germany, he just had to in order to earn a decent wage. Poor guy. generally thumb over sign except when going long distance between major cities.
Have you ever had any sexual encounters or proposals through hitchhiking, if so details?	I ended up skinny dipping with a MtoF transsexual in California once. There was nothing sexual about it, but wow did the surgeon do a good job on her boobs.
	Only once: I was hitching out of Oklahoma City (waited 3 hours there) and this black guy picked me up (the very first black man to pick me up in 3 years). He was maybe 35-40 years old? Middle-class. He was headed to a casino to the East.
	We started talking about segregation (I had so many questions: I was quite excited to meet someone that had gone through it). Then once that topic wore out, he asked me if I had a girlfriend. And then if I had ever been picked up by gay drivers. I said yes, and that I had no problem with it at all.
	I'm fairly open-minded, so I simply assumed he must've had a few experiences, so I asked him about that. He said he did, back when he was travelling with the military forces.
	The whole time, he looked very stressed (I initially thought it was simply his way of being, and it might have been, who knows). By that, I mean he was changing which hands he was holding the wheel with very often. Anyways, he ended up asking me if I needed to take a shower, and that he could pay for a motel room. I had previously mentioned that I was open to the idea of sexual relations with men though hadn't been presented with much opportunities. That's why he asked me if I wanted to have some fun as well. He then proceeded to mention that he wasn't into "ass" but that he loved sucking dicks (as he said, "sex is sex").
	Anyways, I refused his offer, and he dropped me at his exit. I still don't consider this to have been stressful in any way: as I have often said, no one wants to be forceful about those things... simply refuse will remaining open-minded and everything will be fine. I was actually cracking up a smile when he specifically asked me, thinking "well, it took 3 years to be asked that question".
	Obviously, I eased him into asking me that question. It was fairly easy to guess that he was getting to that, but I didn't care. Had I not been so vocal about my open-minded point of view, maybe he would've simply asked me quickly as he was dropping me anyways. But yeah, I broke a few rules for when it comes to trying to avoid this kind of proposal, and I consciously knew it.
	One older lady in Colorado. It was gonna be a cold night so I took her up on the offer more for the nice warm bed than the sex, but it was a bonus.
	A younger, prettier lady in Colorado. She gave me a ride to her hometown and I wound up sticking around for a few days. Saw her again and we wound up watching a movie and going out for dinner. Next thing ya know!
	In Santa Cruz I met a travelling girl from Ireland and we hooked up. We traveled together and she was a lot of fun to be around. The sex was a bonus.
	On the other hand...
	I've had a few guys proposition me in one way or another. Some even offer to pay me, but I've never took them up on it.
	Sexual encounters aren't too common, but they do happen. At least for me. If you look like a movie star I'm sure it would happen more.
	I have had a dozen or so propositions from men which i had no interest in.
	Have had two opportunities to get with women on the road (maybe more for the subtle ones that I didn't catch on to) but my crippling social and performance anxiety meant that it has never happened.
That's amazing because that is exactly what happened in a scene from the movie Transamerica (2005) starring Felicity Huffman.	Haha, never heard of it. Who woulda thunk.
That actually sounds like a hilarious story.	She was great, we camped together by the Pacific and shared stories about our lives by the campfire. Shame I'll probably never see her again. Oh, I should also mention I only discovered she was transsexual when we first got in the water. A wee bit of a surprise to say the least, haha.
MtoF?	Male to Female.
Have you ever paid for a motel room on the road?	I like "spaghetti + tomato sauce + canned tuna + celery + carrot + garlic + onion" (all those things can be carried nearly eternally except for celery/carrot which you can simply munch on if they're getting old... also, that recipe is a perfect mix of carbohydrates/proteins/, and is cheap). Trail mix peanuts. PBJ sandwhiches. Vanilla yogourt + Granola cereals. Else, always keep in mind the dumpster diving option! Motels, never, although if I'm traveling somewhere cheap where a hotel room is 5-10 dollars a night sometimes my gf and I will splurge. Couchsurifing is always my first choice though.
What are your classics in terms of food? What is your average daily budget?	Food classics - peanuts, bread, canned chicken, multivitamins - Patience brings you what you want. And also that you can learn to adapt yourself. That we are capable of doing whatever we want, generally. That it is important to do what you love in life. That psychedelics are seen too poorly by (or are scaring too much the) current society. That it's better to live by your own set of morals rather than someone else's, hence civil disobedience.
What is the most unusual pet you've encountered on the road? What has The Road taught you?	What has the road taught me? People are good. Before I headed out on the road I had become cynical about modern life and the way it was turning people into money chasing pricks. After hitching though I am very happy to say I was wrong on this, that people are still good. Yeah, there are still jackasses out there, and yeah there will always be greedy people - but at the end of the day most people are good! :) Unusual Pets: Only dogs so far, though I heard of a guy who traveled with a pet squirrel.

Last updated: 2013-12-22 14:47 UTC
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